one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
