The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
