I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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