you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
