You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
