no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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