and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
