I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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