I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
