no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
