"it" just moved
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
