How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
