can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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