just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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