Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
