how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Be still, my beating vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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