Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.

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(714): View more from California

20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"

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(631): View more from New York

You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.

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(240): View more from Maryland

She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.

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(513): View more from Ohio

So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...

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(519): View more from Ontario

Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy

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(256): View more from Alabama

He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children

(1-617): View more from Massachusetts

Maybe you should talk to him first

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