I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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