I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
