Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize