I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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