I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
