you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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