Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
