last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
