Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
