I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
