1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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