a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
