this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize