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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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