I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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