Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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