it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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