I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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