I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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