I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
