We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize