i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
