I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize