I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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