Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
