I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
