Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
