Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
