Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Every concussion has its silver lining
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
