he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
