A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
