Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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