my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
