Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
