I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize