Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
