i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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