I bet he comes in French.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
