I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
