his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
