Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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