This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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