I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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