Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
