is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The power of my boobs compel you
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
