May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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