i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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