I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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