I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
