a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
