You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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