Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
